Epilogue (Part 2 of 3)

Azraea had been debating whether to confess her more personal doubts, and now it seemed Ochsner had her cornered. Azraea sighed, “You know, you’re essentially going to be my hand and voice when and where I cannot be present.”

“Yeah, I got that part.”

 “Which means that, more often than not, you’ll be many miles away.” Azraea thought of that night in the tavern before they’d left on their grand adventure; despite her best intentions, she would end up separated from her best friend just as she’d feared.

“Which sucks,” Ochsner said, “But if it helps you do this, I can make it work. And you’ll still have Kaira to lean on when you need support.”

Azraea made a guilty face.

“Oh, there it is,” Ochsner said, “I knew there was something else eating at you. Spill!”

“Appointing her as captain of my Queensguard will garner support from both the orcs and the elves in the kingdom…”

“And ensure that the best, most resourceful fighter you know is always close by,” Ochsner said, “which is a valid concern for the queen. Yet, I sense that this very reasonable decision has somehow plunged you into something of a moral grey area.”

“Thrakaduhl was the best choice to govern the eastern end of the kingdom. It will win favor with the neo-monarchists and some of the orc clans, and like Kaira, I know he will do the job exceptionally well.”

“But,” Ochsner read between the lines, “by giving them those positions, you’ve effectively used your power as queen to separate them, and keep Kaira for yourself." Azraea gave her a look of clear surprise. Ochsner explained, "Given the look on your face when the two lovebirds walked off together after dinner, I had to wonder if there was something going on there.”

With the prospect of lengthy separation ahead, Kaira had asked for one more night free of duty, so that she and Thrakaduhl could spend it alone together. Azraea was ashamed to admit – even to herself – that the request had stung a bit. “You know I had a crush on Kaira…” Azraea said.

Ochsner laughed, “Um, yeah. I remember.”

“Well, it’s not so much a crush anymore as it is a… thing.”

“A thing?”

“I told her I loved her.”

“Well, I think she already knew that.”

“And she said she loved me too.”

“Um… what?” Ochsner’s face was a case study in utter bafflement, “When did that happen?”

“After we kissed.”

Ochsner stared at her in the mirror in shock, and then smiled, “Damn girl, you must be a hell of a kisser if you can turn a woman that straight into a lesbian.”

“It’s not like that…” Azraea said.

“I know,” Ochsner laughed, “It doesn’t work that way, but… holy crap – how did you not tell me about this?”

“I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” Azraea folded her arms, “But it’s not easy to talk about.”

“Does Thrakaduhl know?”

“No… I don’t think so,” Azraea said.

“Too bad,” Ochsner said, “That’d be pretty hot...”

“What?!” Azraea said, “No, that’d be…”

“So different from that threesome you almost had with Jon and Regina.”

“It would be different…” Azraea said.

“Because when it comes to Kaira you’re feeling a little bit jealous and possessive?”

Unrequited love was not an easy burden to carry but knowing that her feelings were even somewhat reciprocated was nearly unbearable, and it was getting worse. What once had been a fantasy was now a possible future, but a frustratingly unlikely one.

“Even if Kaira were suddenly overwhelmed with lust for the same sex,” Azraea said, “which seems extraordinarily implausible, it seems nearly as unlikely that the kingdom would be receptive to the idea of having two queens.”

Ochsner smiled.

“What?” Azraea asked, “What’s funny?”

“It’s not funny,” Ochsner said, “But you’re so invested in thinking about the kingdom’s future, it makes me happy to know you haven’t completely forgotten to think about your own. A queen’s people expect a great deal of her, but they also still expect her to have a life.”

“A very public, harshly scrutinized one.”

“Yeah, but that’s not necessarily bad. You’ve got a lot of important but difficult decisions to make. Every breath people waste talking about your hair, your dress, or who you’re taking to bed, is a breath they don’t spend complaining about economic and diplomatic decisions they don’t really understand.”

Azraea considered the beautiful tiara that had been sitting on the vanity for days. It was hers and hers alone to wear, “As queen I can have nearly anything I ask for, except the thing I now want most for myself.”

“Maybe,” Ochsner said, “Or maybe Kaira and Thrakaduhl would surprise you if you actually talked to them about it. Even if it doesn’t go well, it’s better than letting it fester.”

“And what if it doesn’t go well?” Azraea said.

“Well, you can always reclaim Jericho as your personal guard.”

“You don’t like him?”

“I didn’t say that,” Ochsner said, “He’s a decent, trustworthy man...”

“And?”

“And reasonably handsome for a man his age.”

Azraea laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s not my place to say,” Azraea said, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out for yourself.”

“Damn, he’s gay isn’t he?” Ochsner said, “I guess a woman shouldn’t be making advances on her bodyguards anyway.”

Azraea gave Ochsner a scathing look.

“Unless they have a pre-existing… relationship... thing… It’s different with you and Kaira. Or it hypothetically would be.”

“You know in old Arbarii the words for ‘bodyguard’ and ‘concubine’ were the same?”

“What?” Ochsner said, “I call bull.”

Azraea just smirked quietly as she studied the tiara again. She picked up the elegant piece that had been sitting on the vanity for days. It had been found in the dragon’s horde and, given its delicate craftsmanship, it was nearly a miracle that it had survived in one piece. It was inlaid with precious gems and diamonds, but was in its own way understated.

“You know this is probably worth more than everything my parents’ have ever owned, but it was such a small thing tossing among the gold and jewels…" Azraea settled the tiara onto her head, "Catherine felt that it wasn’t a crown fit for a queen, but Jericho said that, having survived for generations under the dragon’s reign, it has its own powerful symbolism.”

“I take it that resonated with you?” Ochsner asked as she adjusted Azraea’s hair around the tiara.

“So far, it’s the only thing out of the hoard that I’ve kept for myself. Though… so far, I haven’t been bold enough to wear it in public.” She looked at herself in the mirror. Not only did it cover up the scar on her scalp, she couldn’t help but feel it looked and felt right. Even she couldn’t quite understand why she’d foregone it thus far. Perhaps some part of her still remembered the dead king’s words, and was having trouble committing to her role.

“I always knew you had potential,” a man’s voice came from behind Ochsner, all the more startling because they had seen no one in the mirror but each other. Ochsner fell off her stool clumsily, startled by the voice, and Azraea jumped to her feet and turned to find a familiar face.

“Vander,” she said, her fists tightening at the sound of his name on her lips,

“Vander?!” Ochsner cried, scrambling to her feet, “You said he was dead!” Ochsner looked at Azraea's former lover, looming between them and the window, "I thought you were dead!"

“Hello Ochsner,” Vander smiled - it looked like the same smile Ochsner remembered from years ago, but it was now somehow devoid of human warmth, “Don’t worry. Azraea didn’t lie. I’ve been pretty dead.”